Heart Lessons: My Journey to and from Failure
For months I resisted from outwardly expressing that I failed at things that were once a huge part of my life. I think one of the hardest things to accept was that, in many ways, I am still in the process of failing. At this stage, I don’t think it’s right to attach any labels or feelings to what is happening, but I do believe that it is something I need to go through. I’m not sure what it will lead to, nor am I really concerned whether or not it will lead to anything.
I think when we think of failing, we so often think of it as being related to something tangible whether it is failing at a test, a business, or certain type of relationship. We all know from those personal development books, articles, and speeches, that failure has the potential to be success. That is, if we accept failure with that ‘winner’ mindset.
What we don’t talk about so often is how, if we press zoom out, that that specific process of failure can actually have been a byproduct of something else going on in our lives. Often these failures in relation to something ‘tangible’ are simply manifestations of something happening much deeper within ourselves.
Life is almost like a series of peeling back layers. Many of us don’t have those moments where we have the opportunity to peel those layers that might be so important in finding who we are. My experiences with failure helped with this process of peeling and uncovering what was still hidden in me. I’m still at this stage and at times it can be really scary. I share this so vulnerably because I know others experience this, but it is not talked about so much. I’ve been blessed with a support network and people who crossed my path in times like this. People who can understand what is happening with me because they have experienced this in many ways as well.
In the past weeks I’ve been having beautiful and eye opening conversations with new friends. They’ve shown me the gifts that tend to open when we are in alignment with our true selves. So often we find ourselves in phases that make us feel like we are falling out of the sky without a parachute. There is no fluffy landing below nor is there a magical carpet that will sweep us up. Whether we really need that scary, open free fall in order to grow is a question only you can answer for yourself. For me, it is something I’ve been experiencing a lot lately. I don’t know much about it just yet and I think I am beginning to be okay with the fact that it doesn’t make too much sense.
Remember we are made of darkness so we can see our stars, writes poet Jessica Semaan. Maybe this is just a journey to finding my stars hidden within. As we like to say, the stars wouldn’t be the stars without the space around. There’s that tunnel of light shining bright through the cracks of our hearts. Maybe it is meant to shatter and unleash the true beauty that only we know has been down there all along.