Over the past two years, life has seemed to be a series of incredibly profound moments. These moments seem to exhaust me in more ways than I can count, yet they offer splendid beauty that I didn’t know was possible. A little over two months ago when I arrived to India, I didn’t know I would be doing what I’m doing, or not doing now.
It’s hard to fully express because the last couple of weeks externally seemed stagnant. I’m not working on much on the outside, yet internally they’ve allowed me to see parts of myself I never thought existed. The experiences that have been and currently are taking place seem to open a truth that has been present in my life, yet. I refused to see that truth for fear of what might happen. Now, as I write this post, I’m living in that fear and although I’m paralyzed with uncertainty and ambiguity, it’s also been moving me in directions I didn’t know were there to begin with.
Before I embarked on the Camino de Santiago, I wrote a post and in that post I said, “All I can say is that my journey has led me towards understanding my vision for the world can only come true if that vision is cultivated within myself”. It’s almost as though I imagined the journey to cultivate those values would take a different path. Instead, it’s really broke through my greatest fears by allowing me to sit in them.
This reminds me of that quote, “I received nothing I wanted, I received everything I needed”. This could be me trying to justify what is happening or it could be me really trying to understand what is happening within. I think these moments moving forward are a challenge to step into my highest values and learn to bring meaning into my life despite what may be on the outside.